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So I read Crazy Love by Francis Chan on Thursday. I had mixed emotions about the novel. I was hesitant to read it because I was in the midst of writing my own book, but I wanted reading material that would supply thought-provoking questions regarding Christianity. So 2.5 years after purchasing the book, I was able to read it and take in everything that the novel had to offer.

After reading it, I realized the seriousness of becoming a Christian. The devotion that was required by a Christian. It scared me. Here I was with my aspirations of becoming a businesswoman and a successful writer, but what Mr. Chan said throughout his novel stuck with me. You must devote all of yourself to God. You cannot be a “lukewarm” Christian. (please refer to my post ”Are You Lukewarm?”). Chan listed several real life scenarios in chapter nine “Who Really Lives That Way”, in which he explains that there are individuals who are completely inlove with God that they go to extreme lengths to do his work.

These individuals dropped everything from their normal lives to fulfill their callings from God. It’s truly astonishing how selfless some people can be. This chapter really made me evaluate my life. I, like most people, have dreams of living a secure life, which Chan discourages. I wanted to be able to donate my money and time toward great causes and to also travel throughout the year to other places to help those in need. You know contribute to the elimination of starvation, or clothe the people who are naked?  Those were the primary sources to my motivation to be successful and honestly, the experience alone would be humbling.The issue is that alot of us want to do the bare minimum, or to do things that I aspire to do. I feel like I should give more.

These Christians commit their lives to not only helping those who cannot repay them but also do more in the name of God like teaching Christianity in areas of the world where citizens do not know God. It left me discouraged because I don’t know if I will ever be that kind of person. I could give a speech that consists of my own life experiences and a few scriptures that apply to those experiences, but to teach religion? I, by no means, am a preacher. After all it’s been a while since I’ve even entered a church. I feel guilt about that, but on the other hand, I have never been a fan of churches (refer to this blog entry of my last two experiences) . I guess I am similar to a lukewarm Christian.  Although, I don’t frequent church as much as I should, I still pray to God faithfully  every night.  I’m hoping that my feelings towards churches change in the future, because they can be a beautiful place to be. Like Chan says in Crazy Love,  American Christian churches are often the scapegoat for the lack of attendance or belief, while the Christians are responsible (a church is not erected by itself, religion doesn’t teach itself).

For some time I did not consider myself a Christian. Sure, I believed in God but I knew I didn’t carry myself in a “Christ-like manner”. Too many Christians worry about avoiding the bad habits such as drinking, drugs, sex, and stealing or as Chan put it “fight your desires to please God”, but there is so much more to that.  I knew this which is why I wouldn’t dare consider myself a Christian. I had never even read the bible! I’ve heard the scriptures but I have not read the entire bible by myself.

Crazy Love forced me to really look in the mirror at my own spiritual flaws and admit that I was not doing all that I could do. I’m not going to lie to you, it also confused me as well, but instead of let that ignorance move to that back to my head to be lost, I hope to discuss my questions with someone in the near future.

It provoked in me the action that needs to be taken to do my part. Yes, I would like to write Christian novels and to spread the word and how it applies in my life, but I still feel like I could do more. I only hope that God will come to me at some point and tell me what he wants from me.

Until then…

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