…and there is always something or someone who will make your dreams hard to grasp. It’s normal to have to deal with a person who says that your dreams are unrealistic, unattainable, and downright foolish. But what if that person is God? And he’s pushing you down, over and over to the point that you have to question if he’s trying to warn you that this dream is not intended for you.
Like I said in my last post, I’ve had to deal with that on the path to my dreams. And I could not tell whether it was a warning, a test, or a blessing. My whole life was on halt not just my career goals. What did he want from me? Was I not spiritually strong enough to handle the experiences that I would have to face? I didn’t know.
One thing that I did know is that my dreams were deferred, not taken away from me. Honestly, I never realized it before but I blamed God for not making things happen when it was really my own fault. I allowed a distraction to block my vision of my initial desires, the ones I had been praying about for years. Before I knew it, I was changing my prayers and asking for the exact opposite. Even after the distraction was gone, I still focused on my new desires instead of revisiting one that I had had since I was much younger. I was set on vengeance to prove one person wrong about everything. At the end of the day it really did not matter until I looked at the bigger picture. What if we all led our lives to do things that we really didn’t want to do because we wanted to prove others wrong? I know I wouldn’t have been that content with myself.
There was a reason the desires stayed with me years before the distraction came. There was a reason why God pushed me to pray for those desires as much as I did. And just like that, I threw it all away. Had I just listened to my heart and been patient with God, I would not have wasted nearly 4 and a half years instead. Just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. L
I experienced struggle in my life for four years because I pushed against God to make someone else happy. I ignored his warnings. I wanted what I wanted, and I wanted him to supply it when I wanted. Who was I to get that angry and lash out at God when in reality he was saving my future? Who was I to get angry because God was not doing more when I was just being stubborn and wanting to do too much?
Finally, I sat down and looked at my life. During this summer I reflected on things that had occurred throughout my life and my overall satisfaction with my situation. Then I realized it, I was willing to put off where I was intended to be, to spend more of my life wasting time and watching years pass. I could do the same things that I desired anywhere. And the only reason why it was not accomplished years ago was because I, me, not God, altered it last minute. He told me to wait a year but I didn’t want to. Why, because I was stubborn and impatient. Two of my biggest flaws. What were the repercussions? He made me wait 3 years (…or maybe I did that to myself by ignoring God’s hints and focusing and moving forward on something else?).
I understand it now. The distraction was a test that I was supposed to ignore. I was not supposed to give it as much attention that I did, although at the time I believed that it was fate and best for me. When it didn’t work the first time I didn’t give up because I was relentless. The second time, I kept going after it and God had warned me enough. Even worse, the path that was intended for me was an easier one. Sometimes the easier path isn’t a trap or a test, or too good to be true. It’s a blessing; it’s a stepping stone to something greater.
I often look back wondering why God did not stop me dead in my tracks and forced me to listen to the signs that I belonged in a certain place at a certain time, rather than watch me suffer. But really, would I have listened? Probably not, because I was so determined and I felt that I knew what was better for me than God Because I cared about my happiness now, not the unseen consequences of the future.
So if you have a dream, listen to your heart and pray as much as you can because no matter how much someone says you cannot do something or that it is impossible, GOD HAS THE FINAL SAY.